As Hayden grows older and his personality emerges, I find myself getting frustrated by little things...like the fact that he really wants to try feeding himself now which makes mealtime long and messy and he also insists on taking his sweet time when climbing the stairs. Damn him for trying to learn and grow and explore!

So, I made a pact with myself....to chill out! Relax, cool it, pick my battles, laugh it off, don't take things so seriously...whatever you want to call it. Not sure what snapped, but I have found myself much more patient and relaxed in the past few weeks. I think I just realized that some things are not worth getting all worked up over. Like when Hayden finds it amusing to spread perfectly good and clean paper plates all over the entire kitchen, or when he demands to hold some sort of toy while he is eating and then decides to give it a kiss before I can wipe all the remnants of spinach off his face. Or how he must feed his plastic frog tub toy a piece of cheese every time he puts one to his own mouth and says "Please" in sign language with the passion of a rude New Yorker giving you the finger. All of these things used to bother me. And now...they don't. I try and laugh them off, or at least send my mind to a happy place until they pass and life goes on.

So mealtime takes a little longer and often involves furry or plastic friends and getting Hayden to stay still for diaper changes takes an act of God or a really good TV show involving animals of any sort. If I get stressed, he feeds off of that and things only escalate. So...why exacerbate the problem. So, now when Hayden squirms, kicks, and flails when I need to change him, I made obnoxious fake laughing noises or I count to 10 (or 15) and tell him that we will be done when I am done counting. For some strange reason, both of these tactics work quite well and it keeps him entertained and me sane.

I also don't try and orchestrate his every move. If he wants to flip through my Daytimer...have at it. If he wants to scrutinize a fuzz on the carpet and hand it to me and take it back again over and over....be my guest. If he finds it funny to shake his head erratically after every bite of peas...by all means, go for it. I am not letting things like that bother me anymore. This is his way of exploring and learning. He isn't bringing the pillows from the couch into the kitchen while I am cooking to piss me off. He is just testing his limits to see what he can do. It's fun and it's entertaining to him and now it is to me too.

I marvel at his achievements. Did you know that he can carry BOTH of dad's gigantic shoes at one time?! Or that he can ride his push car backwards with the best of them? I can't wait for him to start talking more. I am sure that will only add fuel to the hilarious fire. One day he will ask me..."Mom, can I please eat my soup like this?" as he plunges his entire face into the bowl and slurps like a spoonless dog....and maybe by that point, I will be so good at this relaxing thing, that my reply will be, "I don't see why not. But only at home, when we are alone". I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere. -- mam